Harbard's Song, Harbardzljod

(Odin is currently happy for the information he has just received from Vafthrudnir, that "the son of Odin shall stop the doom of the gods.")

I woke up on the ground with tree sap on my back, a frayed noose around my neck, and without any of my clothes. Naked. My hair felt longer. My clothes, why was I naked? I had taken off most of my clothes before I sacrificed myself to myself. They should have been nearby, but all I could find was my spear, impaled into the trunk of the world ash. More immediately, my stomach called out for food and my throat and tongue for drink.

A little while later I found my clothes. They were damp from being outside for days. There was no food. For water the only thing I could think of was to just find a stream. Huginn and Muninn were nowhere around. Slowly I began to walk down hill until I came to water. I pulled my spear out from the tree and used it to help walk. Sleipnir was gone also.

I stumbled several times from the pain of the wound my spear Gungnir had left in my chest. I clutched the long weapon to my shoulder and stood looking down at the ground. Had it only been nine days? My body disagreed with nausea and my hands were weak from waking from a long sleep. Idunn's apples were wearing off and I was old from being dead. The wind and cold made tears drip down the corner of my eye and I wiped the dampness away on my wrist. Whether or not I felt up to the journey, it was time to go home.

Walking for hours I finally came to a drop. I stood on the top of a high ridge, looking down at the waters of a fjord. The sun was coming out and the days were getting longer again. The air was cold, still, but the warm sun peaking around the clouds gave me hope. And down below on the other side I could see a man, younger than I, bundled up for the coldest of weather, frustrated and looking for a way to cross the water.

Both of us had spotted a small boat on my side of the fjord. In my pain, I ran down as fast as I could while the man caught notice of my existence. He thought I was the ferryman and that was my plan. Near the bottom I found the drips of snow melt coming down the side of the rock face.

"Who is that little old man drinking from the side of the rock?" he asked to himself. Then he yelled, though normally I could hear him even when he was talking in his usual volume. "Hey there, grey-bearded old man, let me cross the water."

I paused my drinking to recover from racing down the side of the rock. I was out of breath and I was still thirsty. My head faced the ground, but it is not so much that I was facing away from this younger fool; I was nauseous from my reanimation. "At least I can grow a proper beard. Who is that fool across the fjord?" The sound from the dripping water reminded me of beer from the pitcher.

"Silly old man!" he said upset. But he cooled off and realized I was not his enemy. "Ferry me across and down the way and I'll feed you in the morning this fine oatmeal and these herrings. Look, none could be better than what I carry in my packs, and since I have eaten my own fill already, there is plenty for you. Now, I must get to my destination. There is much to be done."

The food sounded good, and reality was setting back in. I knew this man. But first I would tease him for his initial disrespect. "A proud man you are?"

"Proud as Earth."

"How proud are you of this morning's tasks? You don't even know what's in front of you. Your mother has gone and died."

"Though the fierce frost giants would relish in the thought of it, I can assure you as we are standing here now, that my mother lives."

"Really? I would have thought that once she saw the likes of you, she would have fallen to Hel. You beggar, wearing rags against the cold. Go south to the warmer lands. You won't need your rags there."

"Just steer the boat over here, I'll help once I've come aboard and you can eat your fill. I will pay you more than your own master does to keep watch and to ferry the weary."

"Ah, but my master Hildolf, the warrior of Counsel-island Sound ordered me not to aid bandits nor thieves, fighters nor brawlers. Only good men shall pass and those who I know. I do not recognize you, son. Tell me who you are." But this was a lie, because now my senses were returning. The blurred vision and ringing in my ears were subsiding.

"Even if I were one such fiend, I would still tell you my name, as we have already established that I am a proud man. I am the chariot rider, and the sea-tide turner. I call down the thunder and I clap lightning between cloud and rock. I am the freer of slaves and the savior of mortal beings. I am Odin's son, Meili's brother, Magni's father. I lead the Aesir; I am Thor! Now you tell me who…"

"Well, that is a very long name. I think I've forgotten most of it already. Call me Harbard. It is rare that I conceal my name." Of course this was a lie. I have a name for almost every encounter with every person I have ever met. And now, my own son shall have a new title for me.

"Why would one hide their name, unless they have a reason?"

"Reasons or not, would not a person defend against the likes of you? Your name hides itself, it's so long."

"Though I would like to avoid giving my balls a shrinking swim in this cold water, soon I'm going to get across. When I do I'll have a payment less than kind for your words."

Now Thor was really getting angry, but I was just waking up. Leader of the Aesir? Had I not been away for nine sunsets? I was still facing just enough away from him not to give away my identity. "I'll wait for you right here, rock-head!" I laughed and took another drink; it made me cough. "I don't think you've seen the likes of a foe such as myself since you faced Hrungnir."

"You have heard of me. Then you must have heard how I defeated him. Hrungnir–he was the rock-head–thought I was going to attack him from underground so he stood on his shield. It was my cleverness that took him down."

Cleverness? "But he still made a rock-head out of you."

"Tell me, Harbard," Thor was starting to lose his temper, "what were you doing when I was having vengeance upon the Jotunn?"

"I was with Fjolvar for five long winters on the island of Algršn. The two of us were war heroes, fighting the evils of Ymir's bile. When we were done," I grinned, "there were many women there to greet us."

"And these women, do you allow them to greet you?"

"I will answer questions with questions. Were the lively to be loyal to us? Were the wise to be faithful to us? Did they have other things in mind? Ropes and sand, digging valleys in the ground. But I slept with them all, seven sisters, pleasure and hearts. What were you doing when I was killing beasts and loving women, Thor?"

"I killed Thjazi, the powerful-minded giant."

I coughed out a "What!" But I did that. My own son is taking credit for my victories.

Thor went on. "I threw the eyes of Allvaldi's son up into the sky. At night, all under the world ash can see them looking down. What were you doing when I was shaping the gap?"

I was no longer thirsty, but I kept my face angled down. Thor probably thought my spear was an oar for the boat. I hung on it, but the anger from having my own son claim victories that were my own to show himself up to weak old men gave me strength. If Thor could claim famous victories of Odin, then so would I, as the Harbard.

"I cast love-spells on witches and seduced them away from their men. And from the bold one, Hlebard, who gave me the magic staff Gambantein, I took his mind. I drove him mad. I made him pay."

"You repaid his kindness with treachery."

"One oak thrives when the bark off another is stripped away. Every man for himself, Thor. What were you doing when I was fighting to survive?"

Thor was starting to test the waters. I was doing a good job of boiling his blood. He was trying to get a better view of my face, but before he got much time to think about it I stuck my head under the dripping water and turned my back. Thor took one step into the water. His massive body caused a wave.

"I was in the eastern lands, fighting the Jotnar, malicious women, and tyrants who roamed the mountains. Had it not been for me, these evils would be a threat to the all the free souls of Midgard and there would be none left alive. Then truly would my mother, Earth, have perished. What were you doing, filthy Harbard!"

As proud as I was for my son's fight against the giants, what was this talk about women? My anger mixed with a sadness for my son. Someone had broken his heart and made him hateful towards women. It was time to sway this flyting to a close.

"I was in Valland and I made war after war, convincing the leaders, chiefs, and princes to avoid peace. Odin has the nobles, but Thor, you have the serfs. But even with this unequal arrangement of warriors, you have enough strength. Even if sometimes you lack the courage."

Thor took another step into the water. "I would boot you to hell if I wanted to cross this water."

"But we have nothing to fight about. Tell me more about the great Thor. What were you doing when I was waging wars?"

"In the east I defended the river where Svarang's sons attacked me."

My son fought Svarang's sons? I have missed much in my absence.

"They threw stones, but it was no use. I defended the river and the free peoples of Midgard are safe because of it. Wave after wave, I have stopped the beasts and saved the lives. What were you doing while I saved humen, the alfs, the dwarfs, and the Aesir?"

"I, too, was in the east. Another women, a linen-white and gold and bright lady, I seduced her into an affair. We laid together…" Our conversation deteriorated into bickering. I joked with him, but my harbard appearance was uninviting. It was difficult to be sure whether Thor knew it was me or if his frustration towards me had dimwitted him.

"Berserk women I fought in Hlesey, those who had done the worst things and bewitched the hearts of men."

More hatred towards women. My poor son. The whole world. Hating and hurting. Only I stand true. My taunting will serve a purpose. "That is shameful, Thor, to fight against women like that. The berserks are honorable. They must have had  good reason. And even so, do you think all of those who you fight for are so innocent?"

"You assume that I assume too much. They were she-wolves, hardly women at all. They attacked my ship while it was ashore and tried to harm Thjalfi. If not myself, nor the others, at least Thjalfi has a clean past. They never should have touched him."

"Wars often claim the lives of young men. I was in the army. We came here to redden our spears with the blood of our enemies."

"I'm beginning to think that you are not a ferryman at all, Harbard."

"You know me now. I would not fight a woman. And since you hate them so much, perhaps you'd feel better with another man to make you feel better…"

"Hold your tongue old man!"

"Older men taught me. Ancient men."

"Your words will bring you harm." Thor took a third step into the water. And this time he lifted his hammer. Mjolnir, the weapon of the son of Earth. And my son. "If I wade across the sound to you, you'll feel the hurt of the hammer. You'll yelp like a dying wolf, you dog!"

"You resolve empty words with weighted pain. Against women as well. And what of your wife? Does she feel this contempt? You should direct your hate towards her secret lover. Then and there would you have a worthy challenge."

He took a deep breath and turned around, stepping out of the water. "Harbard, you speak the worst with ease. I know these are lies."

There it was. I had figured it out on a lucky guess, or an unlucky one for my son. I could see it in the way he stood there. I finally lifted my head to face across the water. Sif had been intimate with another and it was destroying Thor from the inside. But, this was not new to him. Jarnsaxa had been with others. Why was it different with Sif?

"I think I have spoken the truth."

Thor turned back to me, but didn't look up. "Only part of it, Harbard. You've held me up for too long now."

"Never did I think that the Son of Earth would be made a fool by a ferryman." He wasn't trying to attack the giants; he was off to be alone. I would not let him.

"Row the boat here and stop this mockery."

"I shall not let you across that way. There is something going on in your mind that you need to address first." And with that Thor really should have been able to tell that I was not just a Harbard. But he was starting to sulk on the inside. He knew that I had won, but he did not know it was me.

"Show me the way, since you won't take me across."

"I can show you quickly, but the rest will take time."

Thor looked up at me, gripping his hammer. The red hair on his face was pale to the color of his skin. The darkness of the winter had claimed the color in his complexion. "Can I get there today?"

I could not help but cry a little, which was unfortunate because I broke character completely. Harbard I was no longer. "Go to where the fiends are?"

"Father!" he shouted. I could tell he was relieved. "Where have you been all these years?"

"Years? But I have only been gone for a little more than a week."

"You have been gone for time out of mind. I have had to assault the Jotnar on my own. I'm the only one who can do it regularly enough to keep them at bay."

He was happy to see me and I was turning his mind away from his lover's grief. "Son, they call you the giant slayer. Need I remind you that we are in a part, decedents of giants?"

His relief and surprise cooled down, back in character. "Their words, not mine, my father. I do not kill for the sake of killing. Just as you have dedicated your life to bring the world of the mighty ash to order, I have chosen to spend my life in service to keeping the free people of our domain safe."

"But you parade the world, boasting your might. Someday I will need you and I hope not to lose you to a mad giant. I cannot have you running about on an unsound mind."

Thor sighed and sarcastically replied, "If only I could change my appearance like Loki or hid my nature as you do!"

"No need for the attitude, my son. I too have slain my fair share of giants."

"No one has a mightier or a more difficult father. Let us return to Asgard."